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Author: Andy Alt
Thanks to the ingenuity of Louisiana Democrat William Jefferson, several innovations have been introduced to keep your money safe. Jefferson expanded the idea of cold, hard cash, and took it one step further by freezing it, thereby causing his own cash to become even colder and harder.
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After you've labelled your "bags," be sure to write down a legend. For example: turkey = $1000 in twenties, beef = $10,000 in hundreds, and so forth. Tape the legend in a secure place, another major appliance perhaps. The top of your microwave oven is one option. Another secret location to hide your treasure map could be inside your dishwasher. Perhaps you could even buy a second freezer and hide it inside, along with your actual frozen meats and vegetables.
Once you have your money and treasure map stored safely, go to your bank and tell them you'd like to make a deposit. Then throw up five pounds of ground beef and two frozen bags of corn onto the teller's window. Ask the teller how long it will take for your beef and corn to double in volume or value. If they look at you queerly, explain that you're there because of advice you received while visiting Mental Dimensions. If that doesn't take away the teller's look of puzzlement, throw a frozen bag of peas at his or her face and
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