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Author: O.P. Hadweenzic
Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.
10 THINGS NOT TO LEAVE IN POCKETS
Or why these facts are important to good mental & physical health
Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, Ph.D., Professor of Pith n' Vinegar, (and an avid reader of paltry poetry by a little-known and quite inept weaver-of-wool
Academic research can be a tad boring, (especially to those whose cerebellums do not resemble the shape of an egg or a pear).
Every now and then however, investigation into the obvious or even obscure things in life often yields some rather fascinating data. These findings may delight even those with few opportunities to exercise their intelligent genes by demanding they use "smart" appliances, consume "smarties", drive "smart" cars, or become a card-carrying member of the "Smarty-Pants" Club).
For those who've been dubbed "factoid freaks" by family members and friends, they'll be delighted to know that there are 23,500,000 web pages devoted to "pockets", and only 1,090 web pages devoted to "things in pockets". (Note: For those who couldn't give a hoot, they should probably stop right here, find a nearby loo, and plunge into the next page of "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader".)
Careful study of all manner of things left behind in pockets, reveals some interesting results and some clear recommendations as to what stuff should be removed from pockets prior to the peering eyes of strangers or perhaps the more common process known as the weekly wash cycle.
Exhaustive research into the contents of pockets suggests that the following items should be left elsewhere, given to another
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